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hauntedheadnc Dec 30, 2014 12:06 AM

Miami Beach, Florida, USA, Earth
 
At long last, Part 4!

Video Link


Miami Beach, Florida... It's a city that ought to be a pilgrimage site for anyone with any interest whatsoever in Art Deco. It's also a city that has interesting ties to the city where I live, and where I was born. You see, the developers who erected the fairy castle that is Miami Beach had made their intentions to turn Asheville into a "summer Miami" explicitly clear... until a hurricane in 1926, followed by the stock market crash in 1929 ended that little scheme by wiping out the investors' and developers' fortunes. Nevertheless, Miami Beach ended up with the biggest collection of Art Deco architecture in the Southeast, and one of the finest collections in the world, and Asheville ended up with the second-largest collection of such in the Southeast.

But oh, just think... were it not for that hurricane, the streets of my city could have looked like this but, you know, with the streets lined with pines or something instead of palms.

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This is the hotel where we stayed, on Ocean Drive, and where we quickly learned that in order to actually go anywhere on foot you have to cross the street to the Lummus Park side. If you don't, you're set upon by predatory restaurant hosts and hostesses who cannot be dissuaded by anything short of small-caliber arms fire.

To the chest.

Although we ate on Ocean Drive twice, once at an Italian restaurant and once at noted celebrity chef Gloria Estefan's restaurant (I thought it was incredibly stupid to go to a restaurant just because it's owned by someone famous who has probably never cooked anything since she helped the servants make cookies when she was six), we did so knowing that we were doing so only because we were tourists and tourists are simply expected to do certain things. All the restaurants on Ocean Drive have basically the same menu, and are all probably owned and managed by the same corporation. Later we ate at the 11th Street Diner, which was awesome, but both there and at the eateries on Ocean Drive I was astonished at the large portions.

I'd figured that it being Miami Beach, where everyone is thin and gorgeous, "food" would actually amount to haute cuisine elsewhere: a charred sliver of meat the size and thickness of a fingernail clipping and an artful smear of sauce arranged to spell the Japanese kanji for "tax attorney." But no. In Miami, all the restaurants we visited served horse-sized portions of delicious food. Maybe they serve so much food because everyone walks everywhere and works it all off.

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As we are wont to do when we travel, boyfriend and I played the "could you live here?" game. I rather liked Miami Beach, and boyfriend rather liked it as well although his opinion is tempered by Miami itself, which he loathes. On the other hand, I'm not sure that Miami Beach would like me much, as I retain a measurable percentage of body fat and I have no tolerance whatsoever for The Beautiful People.

On the other other hand, though, you can buy a condo on Collins Avenue for about $89,000. You can't buy a bathroom in Asheville for $89,000. Perhaps living in Miami Beach might be tolerable after all. It would require some adjustment though... I would need to walk everywhere to reach an acceptable percentage of body fat (around -15% ought to do it), and I would need to carry a slingshot everywhere I went in the event of chance encounters with Beautiful People.

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As glamorous as Miami's image is, one thing they never tell you about is that due to its location at sea level and its therefore poor drainage, Miami Beach often smells like shit. You'll be walking along the sidewalk and then all of a sudden -- boom! -- you're enveloped in a mephitic fog that smells like a boiling sewer.

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South Florida has an enormous Jewish population. We saw men with forelocks and yarmulkes walking along in plaid shorts and sandals (which is almost as delightful to see as when turbaned Sikhs are walking along in plaid shorts and sandals), and every night a car with a huge menorah attached to the top drove down Ocean Drive.

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We visited the Holocaust Memorial. It sums up my view of human nature pretty succinctly.

The quote on the wall behind the statues says:

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." -- Anne Frank

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I am currently in school to become a forensic social worker. I have no faith in humanity because what little I did have was drilled out of me during my junior internship. Having to read the manual on what to do when a parent on a supervised visit tries copping a feel on their toddler will do that to you. As a species we are capable of horrendous things. This is a monument to that capacity.

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The quote on the wall now says:

"Ideals, dreams, and cherished hopes rise within us only to meet the horrible truth and be shattered." -- Anne Frank

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This church is part of the denomination I attend. United Church of Christ represent!

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I'm not surprised at the homeless population. It's warm year-round. Why wouldn't they be here? I wonder though, if Miami has to deal with many places engaging in what's known as "Greyhound Therapy" in social-work speak. It's when a city loads its homeless or mentally ill onto a bus with a one-way ticket somewhere else. Asheville gets them from California, Georgia, and Florida. We ship ours to Wisconsin. Who ships theirs to Miami?

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It was weird to go sailing by the city in what amounted to a skyscraper turned on its side. It's equally weird to stand in the city and watch what amounts to a skyscraper turned on its side go sailing by.

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As a reward for looking at all four parts of this series, here are several blurry photographs of Ocean Drive and environs at night.

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And as an extra-super-special treat, we end with a photograph of the decorative fireplace in the lobby of the Colony Hotel. Thanks for viewing!

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giallo Dec 30, 2014 12:20 AM

Awesome thread. I loved the commentary.

My wife and I always play the "Could we live here?" game when we travel, and at $89,000 for an apartment, I don't even need to go to MB to know that I'm interested. How is that possible? I thought Miami and its desirable bits were crazy expensive. I'm currently prepping myself for the move back to Vancouver, and every apartment I'm looking at starts at $350,000.

Miami Beach, huh?

Dr Awesomesauce Dec 30, 2014 12:40 AM

Great set! Can't beat Miami Beach.

destroycreate Dec 30, 2014 1:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giallo (Post 6858823)
Awesome thread. I loved the commentary.

My wife and I always play the "Could we live here?" game when we travel, and at $89,000 for an apartment, I don't even need to go to MB to know that I'm interested. How is that possible? I thought Miami and its desirable bits were crazy expensive. I'm currently prepping myself for the move back to Vancouver, and every apartment I'm looking at starts at $350,000.

Miami Beach, huh?

I second that. I thought Miami would be really pricey.

Centropolis Dec 30, 2014 3:52 AM

ah yes, the eternal summer of south florida. driving there midwinters can be a trip unto itself, watching the ice blow off the front of the automobile as you push through a deeply compressed deep winter thermocline, like space-insulation off of a capsule during re-entry.

i also enjoy the mini-miami beach of art deco hollywood just north, with the funny mix of old fart québécois and working class spanish speakers.

people from ontario must be allergic to art deco, all those cars always seem to peel off before that.

hauntedheadnc Dec 30, 2014 5:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giallo (Post 6858823)
Awesome thread. I loved the commentary.

My wife and I always play the "Could we live here?" game when we travel, and at $89,000 for an apartment, I don't even need to go to MB to know that I'm interested. How is that possible? I thought Miami and its desirable bits were crazy expensive. I'm currently prepping myself for the move back to Vancouver, and every apartment I'm looking at starts at $350,000.

Miami Beach, huh?

Thanks much.

I actually didn't see the listings, but my boyfriend looked it up on trulia. I don't know what kind of condos, or if they're anything anyone would actually want to live in -- but if they really were that cheap, all I can think is that maybe the condo glut in the Miami area drove the prices down.

Oh, and thanks to everyone else for looking and commenting. I appreciate it.

Eightball Dec 30, 2014 1:04 PM

Nice journey around Miami Beach!

Social work, eh? Good luck. I did it for 7 and a half years until I got burned out. I was mainly working on an ACT (assertive community treatment) Team though, first as a services coordinator, than a team leader, and later as a housing specialist. I did enjoy it, but getting assaulted every two years was a bit much, and the amount of work for the amount of pay was ridiculous.

Now I work for myself and make a lot more with a flexible schedule. I do feel a bit guilty and miss helping people. Definitely saw some people make some incredible improvements to their lives... several of the people we worked with died, as well, tho

ShooFlyPie Dec 30, 2014 4:12 PM

Good job capturing Miami Beach's abundance of Art Deco. I went to Miami for work for two different weeks. The first time I was alone and was done surveying every day around 3 in the afternoon, so I spent late afternoon into late evening walking around downtown Miami, Brickel, South Beach/Miami Beach, and going over to Biscayne Key. I loved walking Miami Beach. It was a great place to get lost and find some Cuban food. The second time was with my boss so I spent most of the time in the horrible sprawling strip mall filled inland areas eating at Panera and subways.

I am going down again for a job in Miami in a couple of weeks. Should have time to explore for a couple of nights. I have to research what areas to hit next, but I will be tempted to go into Miami Beach for another night.

brickell Dec 30, 2014 6:07 PM

Well done good sir. I haven't looked at condos on the beach lately, but you probably can get a condo for 89k somewhere on the island. It'll be in disrepair and probably 300 sq ft with no parking.

An actual livable space will be anywhere from 250k. to 45Mil.

hauntedheadnc Dec 30, 2014 6:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brickell (Post 6859443)
Well done good sir. I haven't looked at condos on the beach lately, but you probably can get a condo for 89k somewhere on the island. It'll be in disrepair and probably 300 sq ft with no parking.

An actual livable space will be anywhere from 250k. to 45Mil.


I'm really not surprised. Like I said, I didn't see the listings myself but I was shocked to hear a number that low in connection with the area at all. If I have time later I'll check it out myself and see.

As for your housing costs, would you believe that's about what they are here too? And in a city where $10/hr is considered a well-paying job, no less?

Danny Dec 30, 2014 7:08 PM

Thanks for all these Miami Beach pictures, hauntedheadnc!

We enjoyed visiting the art deco District three years ago, and we´ve got very good memories about our visit to the South Beach. It´s a very special place to enjoy visiting it.

Congrats and greetings from Madrid, Spain.:tup:

hauntedheadnc Dec 30, 2014 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eightball (Post 6859200)
Social work, eh? Good luck. I did it for 7 and a half years until I got burned out. I was mainly working on an ACT (assertive community treatment) Team though, first as a services coordinator, than a team leader, and later as a housing specialist. I did enjoy it, but getting assaulted every two years was a bit much, and the amount of work for the amount of pay was ridiculous.

Now I work for myself and make a lot more with a flexible schedule. I do feel a bit guilty and miss helping people. Definitely saw some people make some incredible improvements to their lives... several of the people we worked with died, as well, tho

Social work, over all, is a helping profession with hope as its central tenet. Forensic social work mainly deals with people beyond help, and hope is a liability. We're the guys you call when someone has been keeping their kids in a cage in the basement. If you start out not expecting anyone to come out of it alright, sometimes you're pleasantly surprised but most of the time you at least don't end up with any high hopes dashed on the floor.

On the other hand, you end up with amazing war stories. I only work part time in the field so far, and I've only had my junior internship, but in the immortal words of Winston Zeddemore, "I have seen shit that'll turn you white."

---

Oh, and thanks to everyone who commented! I really appreciate it!

bobdreamz Dec 31, 2014 9:39 AM

Fantastic pics! You certainly did get around! This thread brings back memories of me growing up in Miami Beach and hanging out at my uncle's hotel that he owned in South Beach before the Art Deco district was revived & restored. So many of these architectural jewels were in such disrepair that there was a plan by the city to raze them & build new buildings with new canals! Thankfully many of them were preserved instead.

sterlippo1 Dec 31, 2014 11:44 AM

i too enjoyed your comentary! Greatest South Beach thread i've seen. I absolutely love that place but i love Dtwn Miami as well

xzmattzx Dec 31, 2014 9:25 PM

Nice pictures! I'm putting the finishing touches on a Miami Beach photothread myself (with pictures from 3 years ago!).

I didn't think Miami Beach smelled bad down there. Maybe it's just me? Maybe it was the time of year I was down there?

mello Jan 1, 2015 4:39 AM

Great tour, you did a decent amount of walking maybe last 1/4 pound!

hauntedheadnc Jan 1, 2015 4:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobdreamz (Post 6860209)
Fantastic pics! You certainly did get around! This thread brings back memories of me growing up in Miami Beach and hanging out at my uncle's hotel that he owned in South Beach before the Art Deco district was revived & restored. So many of these architectural jewels were in such disrepair that there was a plan by the city to raze them & build new buildings with new canals! Thankfully many of them were preserved instead.

I remember reading about that, and also about how by the time Miami Vice made the scene, they rarely had to do much set dressing to get that "abandoned South Beach hotel" vibe because there were plenty to choose from. I also read about how a lot of the hotels were eventually turned over to "God's waiting room" long-term housing for the elderly poor. I would be really curious to look into the history of the Colony Hotel, where we stayed, to see what happened to it over the years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sterlippo1 (Post 6860218)
i too enjoyed your comentary! Greatest South Beach thread i've seen. I absolutely love that place but i love Dtwn Miami as well

Thanks so much! I would be curious to see downtown Miami and also the other historic especially interesting nodes like Coconut Grove. Miami was a completely different animal from what I'm used to, but as I pointed out at the beginning of the thread there were some pretty serious ties between there and here back in the day. And here's another one: Julia Tuttle, founder of Miami, was going to be transferred to a hospital in Asheville toward the end of her life, but her health declined too rapidly and she died before she could come up here to recuperate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xzmattzx (Post 6860604)
I didn't think Miami Beach smelled bad down there. Maybe it's just me? Maybe it was the time of year I was down there?

I don't know... I just know that we'd be strolling down the streets, usually the numbered streets back away from the beach, and all of a sudden we'd hit this wall of shit-stank. It wouldn't last long and I couldn't see where it would be coming from, like an open manhole or anything, but every time we hit a smelly patch they were way too big and covered way too much ground to be anything other than something really heavy duty. A bum shitting in the bushes doesn't make that big of a smell.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mello (Post 6860838)
Great tour, you did a decent amount of walking maybe last 1/4 pound!

We actually did so much walking over the course of our cruise, that we both actually lost weight on a cruise. That almost never happens.

KevinFromTexas Jan 1, 2015 10:54 PM

I always love seeing Miami Beach with all that art-deco. I couldn't tell, but did you happen to see "The Birdcage" building?

jd3189 Jan 2, 2015 1:04 AM

Awesome thread and commentary. It's kinda sad that I've lived in South Florida for most of my life and not once have I been to Miami Beach. It has interesting architecture and is one of the most urban areas in the South. As mainland Miami continues to urbanize, there is a shining template to take note of across Biscayne Bay.

hauntedheadnc Jan 2, 2015 5:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KevinFromTexas (Post 6861201)
I always love seeing Miami Beach with all that art-deco. I couldn't tell, but did you happen to see "The Birdcage" building?

I don't know because I've never seen that movie. I can tell you though that at the corner of 12th and Ocean is a restaurant/hotel/nightclub where drag queens perform out on the sidewalk. Drag shows bore me to tears, but my boyfriend loves them, so we watched a couple standing at the corner there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jd3189 (Post 6861290)
Awesome thread and commentary. It's kinda sad that I've lived in South Florida for most of my life and not once have I been to Miami Beach. It has interesting architecture and is one of the most urban areas in the South. As mainland Miami continues to urbanize, there is a shining template to take note of across Biscayne Bay.

It really was amazing: the perfect wedding or style and function. Walkable streets lined with Art Deco? It was heaven. And to think... we could have had that up here were it just not for that hurricane.


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