If Canadian Cities Were People

Razor · #1 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 2:48 PM**

I'm sure this has been done before, and I apologize if I'm resurrecting an old discussion, but ever since I seen an episode of "The Border" a few years back, an analogy stuck with me and made me laugh.

These are all tongue in cheek btw:

"Toronto would be the accountant, and Montreal the cheating husband/wife"(Quote from the Border). Just not sure which city would be male/female.

Ottawa would be the confused child they had together...Doesn't know who to take after..(my own take)

Hamilton would be that guy in school who majored in all the tech classes, hates Toronto who is like the prom queen or something, but Hamilton did well for himself, didn't have to stand in the prom Queen's shadow...Even appreciates a fine wine, and night at the opera once in awhile.(my own take)

Calgary- The rural kid who won a huge lottery, built a very nice back yard, and bought a fleet of pick-up trucks...Despite all the fluff, is still a country kid at heart.

Edmonton - (see Hamilton)

Anyways, add more if you want

vid · #2 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 4:00 PM**

I've often said that if Thunder Bay was a person, it would be a manic depressive and suicidal drug addict with schizophrenia. And gonorrhea. Oh, and obese but very short, to represent the urban sprawl and lack of anything taller than 10 meters.

haligonia · #3 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 5:27 PM**

Halifax is that small-town kid who wants to move out to a city. He loves everything that the city has to offer - dining, music, shopping, etc. - but is afraid to leave home and make such a huge change in his life. As he grows, he will gradually become more comfortable with the cosmopolitan lifestyle, but there will always be a small corner of his heart that wants nothing to change. He is stuck between the two. One part of him wants to jump right in and become a city slicker. The other side , however, is a little more hesitant and scared of change.

Razor · #4 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 5:42 PM**

Good ones..Here are some takes of a few smaller towns.

Sudbury - Nobody wants to see him grow up, because every-one's afraid of what it will become, therefore the stunted growth makes it safer for every-one.

Timmins- Definitely sheltered and stunted because every-one's afraid that he'll become exactly like his older brother Sudbury if he gets any bigger.

kool maudit · #5 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 5:48 PM**

montreal is generally personified as female because of the french language being viewed as having feminine qualities.

don't believe the hype though. montreal is a stocky old leather guy with a bad diet.

someone123 · #6 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 5:59 PM**

Edmonton - Calgary's fat sister.

Wooster · #7 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 6:12 PM**

Canada's cities are too complex to boil down to simple personifications.

floobie · #8 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 6:13 PM**

Using high school sort of analogies:

Toronto: The popular, cool kid. Naturally athletic, charismatic, but can be a bit cocky.
Montreal: His hot, classy, slightly bitchy girlfriend. Who smokes.
Ottawa: Montreal's slightly nerdy, but genuinely happy and pleasant little brother. Plays epic games of D&D with Edmonton and Winnipeg.
Calgary: Toronto's insecure best friend, who can't quite match Toronto's cool popularity, but desperately wants to. Secretly resents Toronto.
Edmonton: Calgary's little brother.
Winnipeg: Calgary's other little brother (both of whom are way less concerned with their status, and wonder why Calgary is so uptight).
Vancouver: The quiet, confident, authentically cool, mysterious guy who everyone wants to be friends with, but generally just keeps to himself.

Don't take a word of that seriously.

Andy6 · #9 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 6:18 PM**

Winnipeg ... the unmarriageable older sister of the Prairie family, tormented by her fallen past, locked up in the cupola by her money-grubbing younger siblings and never spoken of by name. They do, however, leave a tray of equalization payments outside her door each morning, so her life is continually prolonged beyond what would have seemed possible, or even decent.

Spocket · #10 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 6:58 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andy6

Winnipeg ... the unmarriageable older sister of the Prairie family, tormented by her fallen past, locked up in the cupola by her money-grubbing younger siblings and never spoken of by name. They do, however, leave a tray of equalization payments outside her door each morning, so her life is continually prolonged beyond what would have seemed possible, or even decent.

Kinda harsh there don't ya think ?

Winnipeg would be a cat lady I figure but I'm pretty sure that Winnipeg could survive without equalization . Unless you're suggesting that every province in the country that gets more than it pays in would be abandoned tomorrow if the funding dried up .

Hmmmm... city-vs-city , ... who saw this coming ?

LeftCoaster · #11 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 7:06 PM**

Vancouver would definitely be the hot younger sister, coasting on her good looks. She's smart enough but doesnt have a good job.

lake of the nations · #12 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 7:32 PM**

Sherbrooke: Toronto's poor cousin* who is desperately trying to remain thin but who isn't really able to control his weight. He is a baby boomer and doesn't have great aspirations in his life (that's why he is poorer than his cousin), but he is in better shape than his younger brothers (Trois-Rivières and Saguenay).

* Sherbrooke is often called the «Queen of the Eastern Townships», and I suppose we can say that Toronto is the «Queen of the Western Townships**». That's why they are definitely parents!

** Western Townships = Upper Canada = Ontario

feepa · #13 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 8:01 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by someone123

Edmonton - Calgary's fat sister.

Calgary - Edmonton's stetson wearing, fake cowboy-looking, younger, wealthier brother. The one that prefers the rodeo over the more finer arts...

Razor · #14 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 8:08 PM**

Or Vancouver the granola crunching, pot smoking,Work sock with birkenstock wearing ex-hippie professional, who mountain bikes or snow-boards on weekends...Totally tongue in cheek Vancouver.

Winnipeg, Ottawa's Jean jacket wearing slightly smaller friend whom Ottawa is always trying to get to tie his shoes or press his pants...

Joshy · #15 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 8:52 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andy6

Winnipeg ... the unmarriageable older sister of the Prairie family, tormented by her fallen past, locked up in the cupola by her money-grubbing younger siblings and never spoken of by name. They do, however, leave a tray of equalization payments outside her door each morning, so her life is continually prolonged beyond what would have seemed possible, or even decent.

What a great troll comment in a troll thread.

Vaillant · #16 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 8:58 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by floobie

Using high school sort of analogies:

Toronto: The popular, cool kid. Naturally athletic, charismatic, but can be a bit cocky.
Montreal: His hot, classy, slightly bitchy girlfriend. Who smokes.
Ottawa: Montreal's slightly nerdy, but genuinely happy and pleasant little brother. Plays epic games of D&D with Edmonton and Winnipeg.
Calgary: Toronto's insecure best friend, who can't quite match Toronto's cool popularity, but desperately wants to. Secretly resents Toronto.
Edmonton: Calgary's little brother.
Winnipeg: Calgary's other little brother (both of whom are way less concerned with their status, and wonder why Calgary is so uptight).
Vancouver: The quiet, confident, authentically cool, mysterious guy who everyone wants to be friends with, but generally just keeps to himself.

Don't take a word of that seriously.

you should have said Toronto the arrogant, mean and racist stupid fat living in a dream world

caltrane74 · #17 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 9:00 PM**

Toronto - Kim Kardashian
Calgary - JR Ewing
Montreal - Celine Dion
Vancouver - Tommy Chong
Edmonton - Paul Allen
Winnipeg - Manny Paquciao
Hamilton - Stompin' Tom Conners
Kitchener - Bill Gates
Ottawa - Peter Mansbridge
Halifax - Jeremy Renner/ Ben Affleck

caltrane74 · #18 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 9:05 PM**

Mississauga - Klohe Kardashian

(the Fat Ugly Sister of Toronto)

Ramako · #19 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 9:05 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vaillant

you should have said Toronto the arrogant, mean and racist stupid fat living in a dream world

Arrogant and racist? Aren't you describing Quebec?

Razor · #20 Posted **Jul 17, 2011, 9:06 PM**

These are supposed to be tongue in cheek and satirical..

Anyways, one more for Ottawa

The Argyle sweater wearing nerdy class president, who actually despite his
conservatism does let loose and throw a good party from time to time..
Lives in-between Montreal and Toronto and is constantly telling the both of them to dial the noise back...Tells rock- Bass playing Hamilton to turn down as well, because he can't hear is violin properly...Calgary despises Ottawa, because as head of the class,Ottawa demands he give up part of his lottery winnings for the good of the whole class.
To add insult to injury despite Calgary really working hard out at the gym, Ottawa, through yoga, is still the fourth strongest in the class but Calgary may over-take him soon.