<<Midwest Coffee Talk: The Tens>> - Page 297

LMich · #**5921** Posted **Sep 20, 2014, 5:17 AM**

I hate to do this, as I keep my personal stuff very close to my heart, but I thought it only fair to share it with my Midwest Coffee Talk, since I've already shared it with moderation. On Tuesday night, my brother, my only brother, who was also my best friend, was shot and killed. He was just 27 years old. Details are still very sketchy, and for those reasons I will not be sharing much of anything in that regard besides the fact that this was an completely senseless event that even when the facts come out will make it no more easy to wrap my head around. I had last saw him Monday evening, actually, to take him home from work so he wouldn't have to walk in the rain. His last words to me? The words he'd always tell me when I'd have to drop him off somewhere: "Drive safe." He was more worried about me than he was himself. That kid gave, and he gave genuinely and unconditionally.

As you can imagine, I'm absolutely devastated and gutted. To keep myself from completely breaking down mentally and further compromising my physical health, I've thrown myself into being the point person when it comes to planning the funeral. Days and nights are running together, right now. At the moment, the rising sun is a curse not comfort, as it reminds me that I'll never wake another day to see him. I've been sick to go out in public for fear of breaking down sobbing when I see things that remind me or him, or even simply being asked by someone who has no idea about what happened to my family "how are you?"

Never in a million years could I have imagined my family being hit by such a violent crime, and to a person I either saw or heard from nearly every day even as adults. I have family members who I'd not be surprised, unfortunately, to see be a victim of violent crime. My brother was not one of them. So, if you notice my absence her for awhile, I thought I owed you guys this explanation. I'll check in as often as I can, but at the moment, my interests are very narrow: keeping my mental state stable, and helping my family - particularly my mom and dad - with their absolute anguish as they help me with mine.

There will be better days, and I will be fine in the long run; I know this. But, this will be the hardest loss I've dealt with to date, and I imagine it may be years before I can speak of my brother and not be in fear of losing my composure. I thank you all in advance for the kind thoughts, as kinds thoughts from friends and family have genuinely comforted me in this time.

You are all in my thoughts as I work through this senseless tragedy.

ardecila · #**5922** Posted **Sep 20, 2014, 4:56 PM**

That's awful. Sounds like your brother was a really great person... it sounds a little hokey, but good people really do live on in the memories of those who love them.

Cleveland Brown · #**5923** Posted **Sep 20, 2014, 5:20 PM**

That's horrible LMich and hopefully his killers will be brought to justice. Given my encounters with you on this forum over the years I'm not surprised that you're taking so much responsibility for you family at such a tragic time. Just remember that while caring for others not to forget to care for yourself too. Hang in there buddy.

rockyi · #**5924** Posted **Sep 20, 2014, 5:38 PM**

Horrible, just horrible. Hoping you find the strength to make it through this awful time.
This has always been a fear of mine, losing a loved one like this or in an accident. I really need to get these worries out of my head a truly enjoy my time with them.
Take care.

KevinFromTexas · #**5925** Posted **Sep 21, 2014, 2:28 AM**

I still don't know what to say since I can't imagine what that would be like. Just thinking of it even for you makes me want to cry, bud. I'm really sorry. I do know what you mean about the rising sun being a curse. When something bad happens we run things through our minds wishing we could reverse time to stop things from happening, or just out of sheer grief not wanting to move away from the moment. I know exactly how that feels. It was a strange feeling for me:; seeing the world continue on as normal the day after my dad died of cancer, and every new day felt like I was getting further away from him. It's been 16 years since we lost him, but I still think of him every day, and believe me that helps a lot actually. Sometimes I feel like he isn't really gone when I start thinking of all the good memories.

LMich · #**5926** Posted **Sep 21, 2014, 4:00 AM**

Thank you all. You do not even know how much I am being pulled up when I fall into dispair.

Cleveland, this is what everyone has been telling me. I have nearly lost my voice as of today and fighting off an extremely soar throat. I have been offered places to stay to change my environment (until earlier this month, he literally lived down the block from me, and when he moved recently he was still only blocks away), and I'm seriously considering taking people up on their offers so as to preserve my (already pretty fragile) health.

Rocky, I am so glad you said what you did. I wouldn't say I rolled my eyes at the thought, but it just never hit me squarely when people told me to enjoy my time with family and friends while they are still here. Two years ago I lost an uncle and beloved grandfather in the same year, so I halfway internalized it. But, it was not until I got this news that I was forced to confront the reality of that thought head on.

Thank you, Kevin. My mom and I picked up his belongs from work a few hours after this happened, and it was the sunniest day, like, more sunny than it had been in weeks. And, you passed people smiling and laughing and just carrying on like they were supposed to, and everything just felt surreal. To try and keep my mind off of things I had relatives that invited me to a college football game, and for a minute I felt safe...until I took out my phone to call my brother to tell him the score like I always had. I still expect to see him walk up to my door while I'm sitting on my porch, or hear the almost daily phone calls that don't come anymore. There will be more of these events in the coming days, months and years, I'm sure. But, they'll get easier as they come.

Anyway, I do really hate to bum you guys out. Feel free to get back to irreverence as soon as possible. A good laugh can't hurt.

KevinFromTexas · #**5927** Posted **Sep 21, 2014, 6:03 AM**

Yeah, the day after my dad died I was with one of his friends, and I was struck by how everyone was just going on about their business driving around doing all their normal stuff. For me it felt like time had stopped the night before. It was also a sunny day in early spring which made it more strange. We visited the stamp shop that his friend owned and where I had visited many times with my dad over the years. The property also had a plant nursery on it that we had visited many times. My dad had a knack for getting us interested in unconventional things like appreciating plants and nature and collecting antiques like old stamps, coins and bottles, and most of the places we went had something to do with those things. We've stayed in contact with his friends, though we don't see them as much anymore, but I try to via Facebook. I called each of them the day after to let them know he passed away and invited them to his funeral. It really helped hearing their stories of him, their memories of him and how they had met. If you have any connections to your brother's friends, it might help both of you to reach out to them.

Ex-Ithacan · #**5928** Posted **Sep 21, 2014, 7:14 PM**

This is one of those loses which seems like more than a person can bear. I'm sure over the years the pain will diminish, but the memory of your brother will always be fresh. It won't be easy,though you're such a solid person I know you will get through even this.

Take care and let us know if you need anything.

ColDayMan · #**5929** Posted **Sep 22, 2014, 3:18 AM**

Just terrible. My thoughts go out to you LMich and your family.

HomeInMyShoes · #**5930** Posted **Sep 22, 2014, 2:48 PM**

Condolences LMich. I don't have any words for you, but we're here if you want to yell and scream and whatever else you need to do.

1ajs · #**5931** Posted **Oct 2, 2014, 4:27 AM**

anyone in chicago that likes folk music might be interested in this my friends are doing this

https://www.facebook.com/events/5476...y_type=regular

they just finished a chunk of the Mississippi

.. how many bands go on tour in a canoe?

mousquet · #**5932** Posted **Oct 9, 2014, 5:55 PM**

In fact, I kind of miss LMich and his daily posts about his Michigan on here. He's been off for weeks by now.
Hope he's doing OK despite the serious test he's got to go through.
Salutations à LMich et sa famille.

rockyi · #**5933** Posted **Oct 10, 2014, 1:23 AM**

I can't imagine what this must be like.

Centropolis · #**5934** Posted **Oct 11, 2014, 12:44 AM**

shits going down, down here.

Centropolis · #**5935** Posted **Oct 12, 2014, 12:25 AM**

global-city coastal american far leftists just invaded st. louis and took control of the protests, apparently quite professionally. it seems to have possibly turned the corner towards positive energy. i derived a certain amount of pleasure in seeing the clayton financial district board up.

Buckeye Native 001 · #**5936** Posted **Nov 21, 2014, 6:30 PM**

Has anyone heard from LMich lately? Hope everyone's doing alright...

subterranean · #**5937** Posted **Nov 21, 2014, 7:54 PM**

I was just wondering the same thing.

Ex-Ithacan · #**5938** Posted **Nov 21, 2014, 8:06 PM**

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckeye Native 001

Has anyone heard from LMich lately? Hope everyone's doing alright...

Very sad situation. Must be heartbreaking for him. I hope he's OK.

subterranean · #**5939** Posted **Nov 21, 2014, 9:02 PM**

Jeez, I feel like such an idiot. Here I was wondering why he had not been on in a while, missing his posts, and hadn't even read the above until just now. No offense, but I generally don't read posts in the coffee talk forum.

My sincerest condolences, LMich. I hope that the days get a little brighter as time moves forward. We are in the same town. If you need a friend, just want to grab a beer, or whatever, don't hesitate.

Just this past summer my brother went in complaining of issues he was having while sleeping, which turned out to be weird seizures caused by a very large brain tumor. One day he's going in for a CPAP, the next he's coming out with an MRI that makes your legs give out just thinking about it. It turned out to be inoperable. He just finished radiation and starts chemo next month. It is not the same as losing a brother so abruptly, but it is certainly an adjustment thinking of the path ahead. Like you, I grew up with my brother being my best friend. I am terribly, terribly sorry for the senselessness your brother fell victim to, and for what your family is going through. Peace be with you, brother.

mthq · #**5940** Posted **Nov 21, 2014, 9:04 PM**

Yeah hopefully so. Just saw the news today