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  #1  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 7:51 PM
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The Great Canadian Parody Thread!

We really punch above our weight for skyscrapers, with more than most cities twice our size, and the latest renders show how much more we will punch above our weight in five years. We're doing great work on this, though we still need to work harder on this.

When you look at municipal boundaries, our population is growing faster than other places three times our size, never mind the metro numbers, where we really punch above our weight. But still, this is something we can work on more.

We really punch above our weight for urban density. We're twice as dense as some cities four times our size. But we need to do more work on this.

We've got tons of independent cafes downtown, with more independent cafes than cities five times our size, so we really punch above our weight here. The public art installations are way more numerous than most cities six times our size, so we really punch above our weight on that, though we need to work more on this. Urban transit is something we punch above our weight on, with a higher ridership than cities seven times our size. I think we need to work more on this, though.

We punch above our weight at punching above our weight, though we still need to do more work on doing more work on this. Still, we punch above our weight the way we punch above our weight at punching above our weight.

Though we could still do more work on this.
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  #2  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 8:03 PM
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Calgary is way better than Houston - it's an insult they even get compared. But sorry, I'm sure it's an ok place.

Chicago may have better buildings, but Toronto has more highrises.
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  #3  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 8:30 PM
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The growth rate is phenomenal; it is insane!! Can you imagine what a monster ____ will be in 10 years? At this rate, ____will overtake_____ in the near future. We punch way above our rate. ___ and ____ are combining into a megacity!! Woot Woot!!
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  #4  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 8:45 PM
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Canadians are definitely very dense, even denser than the Americans, who are many times our size. This thread punches above any similar thread's weight.
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  #5  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 8:51 PM
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We can punch and also have weight in Newfoundland too. 1949.

(Quebec roolz, Ontario droolz).
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  #6  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 8:56 PM
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I don't drink punch because im watching my weight. Otherwise I will become three times my size.
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  #7  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denscity View Post
I don't drink punch because im watching my weight. Otherwise I will become three times my size.
Wow, we always drink punch. Always. It's like you're a totally different country there. I'd probably feel more out of place there than in Port Moresby.
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  #8  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:01 PM
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Hamilton's recently sunk into the earth! No one has noticed.
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  #9  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:03 PM
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My red hole punch punches smoother than the other hole punches. It can punch above its weight, I mean it's not something you'd see everyday with hole punches and you see, I punch holes every day. It's prodigous punching capacity is the unbeatable and I need it everyday. So when I speak of my red hole punch, I mean to speak of efficiency, proficiency and cleanliness.

So the answer is no, no you may not borrow my red hole punch. Don't take it either.


My. . . my red hole punch.
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  #10  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:09 PM
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Trying to punch above our weight failed, and I pulled a muscle in my back that only hurts when I squat. Don't get mad I left the toilet seat up?

(am I doing this right?)
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  #11  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Garbage Enthusiast
Seen in Toronto:


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Why is everything so dead? Where are the people? Also, why doesn't Toronto have recycling? We have the best recycling programs in the world here as well as tertiary and quaternary sewage treatment, unlike all those places that just dump their waste into the ocean. And our garbage bins are blue here, like in Europe. The first time I saw one of these green bins I had a panic attack and couldn't leave my house for months.

Honestly, I don't think I could live there.
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  #12  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:28 PM
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We're 4 times as insecure as cities twice our age. We really punch above our weight in insecurity.
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  #13  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 9:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rousseau View Post
Wow, we always drink punch. Always. It's like you're a totally different country there. I'd probably feel more out of place there than in Port Moresby.
Ya but our punch is denser than yours so you probably wouldn't be able to handle it haha.
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  #14  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 10:57 PM
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If one were to tally up all buildings built under construction and proposed serious, semi serious, not really serious and made up proposals only. In a completely arbitrary area around the city of _____. Adding and subtracting roof and architectural elements in a random and arbitrary fashion. Then the city of ____ would punch well above its weight in any comparison tailor made to favour it.
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  #15  
Old Posted Jun 21, 2014, 11:00 PM
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Newfoundland again.
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  #16  
Old Posted Jun 22, 2014, 12:33 AM
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"But those Statcan CMA numbers are biased against [insert name of pathetic, declining hometown] because they leave out [insert name of even smaller and more pathetic, entirely unrelated town 45 miles away] which when included bumps us all the way up from 27th to 25th place. This hate-on that Statcan has for [hometown] has got to stop."

"Basically what a "top-tier" city means is a city with at least [insert figure calculated as X rounded down to the nearest 100,000*, where X = your hometown's population ... *may be rounded down to the nearest 50,000 if the first calculation annoyingly lets in marginally smaller but despised regional rival]"
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  #17  
Old Posted Jun 22, 2014, 12:35 AM
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^
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Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag?
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  #18  
Old Posted Jun 22, 2014, 1:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SignalHillHiker View Post
Newfoundland again.

God, you guys aren't even that special.
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  #19  
Old Posted Jun 22, 2014, 1:55 AM
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Maybe your city has more 500 footers under construction. But my city has better bones and that's a scientific fact you can't deny.
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  #20  
Old Posted Jun 22, 2014, 2:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonkeyRonin View Post
God, you guys aren't even that special.
10% special is still celebrity status in wind-sweapt, grey-souled, cultural blank slate Canada.

Gawd... have you ever BEEN to Montreal?
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